... too many commitments in the Real World.
It's hard coming here and seeing all the fascinating conversations in Dianic_Studies that have occurred in my absence. I can't very well go back and comment days after the furor has died down on some intense topic ... but damn I want to! Oh well, I have my own LJ topic questions all set up:
As a Dianic witch, am I also Pagan / Neo-Pagan / Wiccan?
No, although at times, I haven't cared if I've been referred to as such. Now, however, especially after reading such eloquent, well thought-out posts, I see the value in correctly identifying my beliefs.
Dianic: I came to deeply connect with female spiritual energy exclusively after recognizing that it's male counterpart as is worshiped in this culture held no benefit for me. Maybe 'benefit' isn't the right word. Even at a young age, I saw how unjust God-based religion was to women, how it kept us In Our Place. Most importantly, I just didn't "feel it" no matter how hard I tried. I "feel" the Feminine in cycles all around and within me with no effort at all, and when I focus, ground and center - the power that courses through me is immense.
Witch: I cast spells and work with herbs to heal. I pay attention to the sun and the moon. I use Tarot Cards to focus my intuition. I tend to believe more in 'litle magics" than large, but I also believe in the Butterfly Effect - the tiniest movement of air can cause a tornado over time and under the right circumstances. I get more out of my connection with the natural world than spellbooks.
Why not Pagan / Neo-Pagan / Wiccan?
Wicca is a religion of duality, balance - worship of both God/dess. That doesn't describe what I believe. Not only doesn't it connect, but sometimes the scales need to be weighted in my favor since the rest of society is so weighted against it.
Oh ... for more time ...
... and a warm night ahead, with a gorgeous moon to fill the sky.
Every night, seaivy, I've spent a few moments alone in the whirlwind that is my life, to follow the moon as she sails across the sky. Each time I've thought of you, of shutting a door and finding a quiet place. It's helped ground me,
Tonight my girlfriend's daughter is at a friend's and we plan on sleeping out under the stars, the scent of ripening apples and pears thick in the air. Have a small fire, watch the flames. Talk deep into the night about real things. Spend time with this woman who makes me weak in the knees. This is my idea of a perfect Friday night.
I've needed this.
Eight months in, I've found that I'm actually good at Mothering. I'm empathetic, nurturing and truly enjoy the child in my life very much ... but I'm a lover first. Passion has always ruled my life and now it must share the reins a bit. But I said *share*.
Tonight I plan on being wild ... talking as I wish, wearing what I wish, acting as I wish, being my true self.
A self blessing.
I work at the Breast Cancer Resource Center, one of the coolest places on earth, and tonight we're hosting 'Sister's Of Hope' ... a survivor's support group for women of color. (Although there always seems to be plenty of men, too.) They always start with raucous prayers and song, lots of Jesus! and Amens! At a place filled with wonderful support groups, this is the best one from an 'inadvertent eavesdropper'' viewpoint. Perhaps 'unavoidable' is a better word to use, given the folks down the street can hear these folks. People laugh, whoop and hollah. I usually don't mind the Christian overtones, not at all. These people are thrilled to be alive 1, 5, 20 years after surviving cancer.
But tonight, I feel a bit dejected. My lack of spiritual progress; going in circles, grinding into a rut instead of spiraling deeper; feeling a lack of connection on a heart level.
So when the good people of Sister's of Hope broke into "This Little Light Of Mine, I'm Gonna Let It Shine", I felt tears come to my eyes. Tears of many, many emotions, iridescent. A simple song, it's chorus consisting of the phrase I just typed. My light is definitely hiding under a bushel these days.
Doing a little research on my favorite subject, dipping back into the void.
I have an old blog
dedicated to "A female vision of the Norse myth of Ginnungagap. She is the great birthing Mother from which all life springs, the holy gap, the seeming nothing before something."
Quoting myself! :-)
Added a link to the site.
Cats are fighting. Mating? Sounds horrible!
It's 5:10 and I still haven't slept.